Confessions of a Three

The Enneagram is all the rage right now. I typically resist fads. But, I will say there is a lot to be learned about yourself, your motivations, your relationships, etc. by discovering your Enneagram number. I highly recommend everyone doing a little research and figuring out your number.

Confession Time:

A few months ago I took the Enneagram test for the first time (exploreyourtype.com). When I took the test, I was a One. I was cool with that. I kind of wanted to be a One. I even wrote a blog post about being a One!! But, the more I read about the One I started to realize; I don’t really think that’s me. So, I took the test several more times and did a lot of research. Yeah, I’m a Three. I don’t want to be a Three. I’d pretty much take any other number on the Enneagram before I would pick to be a Three. And, that attitude pretty much wraps what makes up a Three in a nut shell.

Ones are the Perfectionists. I AM one of those. But, the Enneagram is about heart motivation, not so much about personality or outward behaviors. Ones are Perfectionists because they are black and white. They are rule followers and have a strong inner critic. They are Perfectionists because to them, there is no other way to be but perfect. I’m a perfectionist because I want to be seen as responsible and successful and having it all together. And, that cuts to the core of the Three, the Achiever or the Performer.

Threes’ basic fear is feeling worthless. They desperately desire to feel valuable and worthwhile. At their unhealthiest, they can deceive others and even themselves by masking who they truly are to become someone they are not. Don’t get me wrong, healthy threes can be pretty awesome. They are high achievers who are very successful and well-liked because they are change makers. But, unfortunately, us Threes also place most of our worth and importance on success and what people think of us.

Those of you that are close to me know that I’m working on writing a book. I have no idea if this book will ever be published or if anyone will ever want to read it. But, the book is about this very thing. It’s about my own struggles with intimacy, authenticity and vulnerability. The working title is, “Intimacy with God (When Your Biggest Fear is Intimacy): Living Authentically with God and Others”.

Threes are really good at hiding their feelings and their true self from others. They truly struggle with intimacy and authenticity because they want to be liked so much they hide who they truly are from others with the hope of never experiencing rejection. This struggle can really be a stumbling block for Threes in their relationship with others and with God.

God desires an emotionally intimate relationship with His children. Those who struggle with intimacy and emotional connectedness with others also struggle with this in their relationship with God. If one cannot be raw and real with others, it will be very difficult for one to be raw and real with God. God desires a real and authentic relationship with His children, but as someone who struggles with being open and real; I know that those who struggle with emotional intimacy can also experience spiritual dryness in their relationship with God. Those who hide their true self from others, also struggle with hiding their true self from God.

Without going into it too much here, God has really taken me on a journey of self-discovery over the past 4 or 5 years. In order to get me in a place where I would listen, God had to bring me pretty low. But, I am so thankful He did. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still learning a lot and I have a long way to go, but I continually pray that I could move forward on this journey so that I can live out who I truly am for the glory of God.

And, to all my fellow Threes, know that YOU ARE WORTHY. You’re not worthy because you are successful or put together or check all the right boxes or because you have 10,000 Twitter followers. You are worthy because you are God’s child and He loves you for you. He loves you because He created you. You don’t have to earn His love or anyone else’s. He wants you to be you because He created you for a purpose. Rejoice in who you were created to be and openly share who you are with others, because you have so much to give.

She just wants to be beautiful
She goes unnoticed, she knows no limits
She craves attention, she praises an image
She prays to be sculpted by the sculptor
Oh, she don’t see the light that’s shining
Deeper than the eyes can find it
Maybe we have made her blind
So she tries to cover up her pain and cut her woes away
‘Cause cover girls don’t cry after their face is made

But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are
And you don’t have to change a thing, the world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful
Oh-oh, oh-oh
And you don’t have to change a thing, the world could change its heart
No scars to your beautiful, we’re stars and we’re beautiful

(Scars To Your Beautiful, Alessia Cara)