This won’t come as a surprise to most of you who know me, but I’m a striver. New Year’s Day tops the list of one of my favorite days of the year. Why? Because, I’m a girl who loves a goal, a list of tasks and a new calendar. Making New Year’s Resolutions is my jam! What’s not to love? I get to write a massive to do list for the upcoming year AND I get to immediately start crossing things off the list. It’s a dream come true for my Enneagram 3, Type A personality.
As I do every year between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, I’ve spent the last week examining my life in 2018 and praying about what’s to come in 2019. I’ve asked God to show me a word for this year and to help me come up with a list of new rhythms, goals and resolutions for 2019. I’ll be honest; it’s been a struggle. My word for 2019 came easily, but the list of resolutions have not. I feel strongly God wants my word for 2019 to be “embrace”, but I’m not sure fully what that means right now. I do believe it looks a lot different than the word “strive” which is what I want to do right this moment.
I want to strive towards new goals, new endeavors and new tasks. I want to get to the end of 2019 and see a massive list of accomplishments. And, I feel God is challenging those desires by giving me the word “embrace”. Maybe that’s why the resolutions and lists aren’t coming as easily this year. Don’t get me wrong; I believe He IS giving me big dreams for my writing, for Woven and for so many other areas of my life. But, what He’s showing me is those dreams aren’t tasks on a list to check off so that I can create a list of accomplishments at the end of the year for which I can pat myself on the back and wait for the applause.
Instead of striving this year to make the dreams happen, I believe He’s calling me to embrace- to embrace His love for me, to embrace His calling on my life but allow him to work it out in me, not me work it out in myself, and to embrace His applause instead of striving for the applause of others. I think this looks like ceasing to strive and embracing His presence so He can use me for His glory and not my own.
Honestly, it’s all quite scary. I feel a little lost without a list of resolutions and objective goals. I’m afraid to cease striving and embrace God’s approval of me. It would be so much easier to strive and work and control and manipulate and seek approval. I don’t believe this to be a call to be still or to say no to everything or to cease all work. But, I do believe it to be a call towards an embracing of God’s work over my own, His approval over others’ and His will above everything.
I’m entering 2019 with a mix of excitement and trepidation. I don’t know what the upcoming year holds, but I know the One who does and I know He’s has it all under control.
Do you have a word for your 2019? What does God want to do in and through YOU this year?